


Scattered pearls

by electricpaleblue



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, Heavy Angst, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sad Trixie Mattel, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:42:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28627473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricpaleblue/pseuds/electricpaleblue
Summary: "Oh, I feel as scattered as grandmother's pearls"—Scattered Pearls, Casiotone for the Painfully AloneOn a night out, Trixie's pearl necklace is broken and feelings are revealed.
Relationships: Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	Scattered pearls

Trixie looked for her cellphone in the bag that she had luckily remembered to bring with her to the bathroom when she fled the epicenter of the disaster she started . She opened the chat with her mom, she began to bite the nails of one hand while typing with the other.

**Trixie:** _ Mom _

**Trixie:** _Grandma's pearl necklace broke at the disco_

 **Trixie:** _I'm so sorry_

Waiting for an answer she already was crying without even noticing it, the tears couldn't stop running down the bridge of her nose until they hit the floor, the snot was running off her nose and she felt drunk and lost as she looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She thought she was really wasted, the edges of her vision were starting to blur, her reflection seemed like a softened caricature of herself, her heavy makeup and wavy blonde hair were intact because she had only gotten up from her sit after the disaster with the scattered pearls that her friend Katya kept looking for on the dance floor with the help of the older women who hit on her all night. She had mixed feelings threatening to come out in a vomit that rested on the top of her throat; She felt jealous, angry, sad, kinda happy, and a bit homesick. She thought that she felt as scattered as her grandmother's pearls rolling around the disco, and she laughed, the other women who were looking in the mirror gave her a puzzled look, some asked her if she was okay but the bathroom slowly emptied as there was no response.

Trixie realized that the metaphorical pearl necklace didn't break on that specific moment, it had been tense all day. 

The thing is, usually she was the one who kept the conversations flowing, with Katya always by her side as a reliable laugh for her jokes and both of them always wearing fashionable outfits designed and created by Katya, styled by Trixie. They could feel confident in their power to stand out from the crowd.

But Trixie knew that she was the one with the brightest aura, it was she who started off everything that happened around her. Katya was more of a trustworthy figure, her anchor to reality and the least intimidating of the pair. And Katya knew it too, that Friday afternoon while the two of them were getting ready to go to the twenties-themed party for Katya's roommate that was a fashion major just like her friend. Katya finished her makeup and stared at Trixie, who was painting her lips pink with all the patience in the world, she smiled calmly and proudly as she smiled when she finally finished an extremely detailed dress and said:

"I don't know how cheesy this may sound, but ... I have the feeling that you are like a window through which the sun enters: transparent, fragile and made with pressure. I am more like curtains: useful, resistant and some sort of a filter for you.”

Trixie stopped, looked at Katya with her historically accurate makeup as only she would care to do, and felt an affection that she couldn't describe, a deep affection that rested under the surface of their friendship since they met in the introductory talks at college. She hugged Katya, feeling between her arms the firm curves of her body in an also historically accurate dress made by herself for the occasion, she thought she loved her friend, who looked particularly pretty under the whitish light of her bedroom, she also thought that they could kiss at that moment but she surprised herself at that.

"Maybe you should wear a pearl necklace, you know, to make your outfit look more of the decade" Katya whispered against her neck and she shuddered at the suggestion and at the soft lips against her pulse. “That pearl necklace you wore on your birthday would look so good on you right now”.

Trixie put on the necklace just before leaving the room and Katya smiled at her and gave her a kiss on the cheek that unfortunately, couldn't turn off the cold and heavy feeling against her neck, she had a feeling that the energy of those pearls couldn't bring anything good. When they got to the club and it was full, she didn't separate her hands from the necklace, afraid that something would happen to it. But when they sat down at a table she knew she wasn't going to get up anymore, she found herself crushed on her uncomfortable sit while Katya talked about fashions from the twenties, flappers and the Great Gatsby with old lesbians who could not stop seeing her boobs barely exposed in the dress, which matched perfectly with the straight bob she recently cut.

Those woman deliberately and openly flirted with Katya, who received their attention with a nervous smile and a look that constantly returned to Trixie, who only keep asking the bartender for drink after drink, thinking that she must have seen this coming: the party was for Violet, the only woman she knew pretentious enough to throw a history-themed party for her birthday, the only party where guests would clearly be more interested in the intellect behind the costumes than the sluttyness, which was what Trixie focused on, and not that she was the only one who thought that way, that was even worse. She was sure she had seen at least more than 5 people in the same cheap showgirl costume she was wearing that barely covered her ass. Her grandmother necklace was the only mildly period-related thing in her costume and she hated those damn pearls. She was one more of the bunch and she looked worse when she had the flawless Katya by her side, she was the worst at being the worst and she couldn't escape the humiliation, an anger kept her nailed in place, listening to the conversation in which she was deliberately ignored because they probably thought she too stupid to understand it, they talked about Art deco, and Trixie, as a visual arts student, had listened in the first semester to the garbage speech with which a woman named Sasha, who spoke over the others, explained the subject, making more mistakes than her tequila shots could measure.

The action happened before the thought, she saw Sasha squeeze Katya's thigh under the table and the hand that protected the pearl necklace around her neck squeezed it so hard that it broke, the pearls bounced across the floor. She saw the women jump where they were standing and nearly broke their necks trying not to fall, Sasha removed her hand from Katya's tight and the latter rose from her seat instantly to search for the pearls that kept sliding across the tables. Her friend got down on her knees to search for pearls and the shapeless dress clung to her ass. Trixie, who was still in shock with one hand on her neck –clasping imaginary pearls– and the other holding a shot of tequila inches away from her lips, swallowed hard looking at her friend's body, hips, tight ass and fabric that looked extremely soft to the touch, in that moment she just wanted to be able to touch her best friend, maybe kneel with her and pray, maybe cry or spank her. Sasha was already kindly looking for pearls and Trixie rolled her eyes; She took the shot, got up from her seat with her gaze on Katya, she felt hypnotized by her friend blue eyes that under the colored lights looked like black holes floating in a beautiful face, she almost slipped on a pearl that she barely stopped with her heel and laughed, she lifted the pearl and stared at Katya, who for the first time that night looked sad and out of place

"Sorry you guys, this clamp isn't ready to be opened if you know what I mean."

And she walked straight to the bathroom playing with the pearl between her fingers.

Two songs, three messages sent to her mom and several sobs passed before Katya entered the bathroom.

"Trixie, Trix, what happened? What are you doing?” The door opened softly compared to the harshness in Katya's voice. Rarely did that voice come out, especially; it never came out to her best friend.

"My grandmother loved that necklace," Trixie whispered after Katya stood alongside her in front of the mirror. “That woman was really religious, we never got along. She once told me that each pearl on that necklace represented a sin that she forgave my grandfather of. She also liked to remind me at any given chance that I reminded her of my grandfather and she gave me the nickname “sinner.” Two months ago she passed away, my mother fought for that necklace and gave it to me on my birthday. Since I've had it I really feel like a sinner, I feel like I inherited all the sins that my grandfather paid for, but I still owe them”.

"Trix… I… didn't know and it's useless to say it, but I'm sorry." The silent and cold tiles received those words. “We searched the best we could, but we only found six of your grandmother's pearls”.

“I don't care about the pearls thrown around the disco right now, I don't care if someone falls and breaks something, and you know why? Because I can't stop thinking about you, about Sasha touching you, about all the women who were hitting on you while I was sitting there as a second option thinking about how much I want to kiss you and spank you”.

Finally, Trixie looked up from the floor, she saw Katya's legs in nude stockings, she looked up at her hands where she was playing with the six pearls that she mentioned, but when she finally reached her face she felt a burst against her heart. There wasn't a trace of pity or sadness in her gesture, she was looking at her as if she had finally put the puzzle together and the final image was disappointing.

Katya was very close, she examined Trixie's face and unexpectedly kissed her on the forehead stopping her by the cheeks. Trixie's ears were ringing with the music and the blood rushing through her ears. She felt soft, felt that they floated among the bad smells of the bathroom. Katya quickly put the pearls between her hands and sighed patiently.

"I love you and I think you love me too, but you have to process your emotions because you are extremely arrogant and insecure. We'll talk better when you're not drunk, angry, hot, or half asleep, so that you realize how troublesome what you said is”.

Katya left with her shoulders slumped but her pride intact. Trixie cried and felt unable to move, unable to take charge of her existence, but new people kept coming into the bathroom and the music seemed unbearable. She saved the seven pearls in her purse, she paid a huge bill for everything she took during the night and realized that she had not enough money to pay for an Uber, she said goodbye to Violet who barely paid attention to her, she arrived at the bus stop where Katya was also waiting and they got into the bus without looking at each other.

She thought that maybe tomorrow she would wake up and realize that it was all a dream, that would explain the blur in her gaze. Maybe tomorrow the necklace would still exist, she would have the fortnight's money she spent on shorts intact in her wallet, and she wouldn't smell like smoke. Maybe tomorrow ... but her thoughts were interrupted by a call from her Mom.

"Mom? Yes ... Katya found six, I found another, we found seven pearls ... No, don't cry, or I'm gonna cry again ... Mom ... Don't cry, they're only pearls”.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a long time ago and I just remembered that it existed and decided to publish it


End file.
